DISCIPLINING OUR TODDLERS

I have been reading some information regarding this and I have been thinking about how I would discipline my own kid, and I thought it would be good to share what have come to my knowledge and my experience. But please, I am no expert, I just want to share with you. Please also log on to other resourceful websites like www.babycenter.com or www.supernanny.co.uk . I find it useful.

These are the information that I gather from my research:

The meaning of discipline:

It is a form of teaching our kids, not punishment

The principle:

1. Consistency: Whatever method you’re using, be consistent to use it everytime your kid needs to be disciplined

2. No lecture, a firm “no” and a quick explanation like “that’s dangerous” or “that’s not yours”. Sometimes a toddler needs to hear this “no” a hundred times before he gets the message. I witnessed it myself. After many times saying ‘NO’ to Caleb for the same thing he did, and he did it again the next day and the next day and so on, he finally understood and stopped. Nowadays he would point to our Christmas ornament in the tree and said ‘No’ (he used to want to touch or hit or drop the ornament)
3. No hitting/spanks/slaps

The books and websites I read saying that this only make the kids feel threatened and not learning anything other than being afraid of you. One mommy told me she regretted spanking her kid, coz later on her kid learned to spank and throw anything if he gets upset.

I honestly have not decided yet whether I would use this. My own pastor use cane to discipline his kids. But hitting is advised not to use our hand (physical contact), but use a stick/cane. It is because if you use physical contact, your kid will be afraid of you, but if you use cane he will be afraid of the thing and not you. And never do it out of anger (emotionally). The cane should not be too hard on them but not too soft, but just enough to let them know that his behaviour is unacceptable. Again, I have not decided yet since this is still not necessary for Caleb.

The methods:

1. Face the wall

Send the kid to face the wall for a period of time (2-3 minutes) when he gets out of control, or doing something unacceptable. I did it a few times. But actually it didn’t really work because caleb still didn’t understand why he was asked to face the wall and so he refused to stay facing the wall unless I hold his body still, by then his cries would be even lauder because he was confused.

2. Naughty corner

Send him to a corner/chair specially created when he misbehaved for a period of time (2-3 minutes). I Never did this because:

# I don’t think Caleb can sit still or stay there for the time given

# I don’t like the name “naughty corner”, it is as if I label my own son as naughty. Because I don’t believe he is naughty, he just sometimes make mistakes, but he is NOT naughty. And I also do not want him to think he is a naughty kid as well.

3. Time Out

Usually children understand this concept when they reach 3 years old. The concept of time out is to give some time for the kid to be able to calm down after a tantrum or anger. Again, it is not to punish.

I recently just used this method and it worked. But instead of sending him alone to his room, I went in with him and stay with him until he calmed down.

What I would do to discipline my kid:

For a first time misbehaved action, I would give him a warning by saying “no” and give him a reason ‘That’s not a toy’ or something. If he continued what he was doing, I would get down to his eye level, squeeze his hand but not hurting him, just enough to get his attention to me and then I will say say ‘no’ again and distract him. By the 3^rd time, I would proceed to the method (which last time I did it with ‘face the wall’.

For a repeated misbehaviour, I would directly make an action instead of saying no again. For example, he draw on our furniture instead on his paper although he had been told not to for a several times, I would take his crayons and keep it for a few days (but not too long that he forgets about it).

My experience using a time-out:

Last two weeks, Caleb was playing near our Christmas tree and suddenly he took an umbrella and I just knew he what he was going to do, so I told him “no, you cannot hit the tree”. But he didn’t listen. He hit the tree. I gave him another firm ‘No’ and he did it again and this time 2 ornaments dropped from the Christmas tree. I walked towards him and he just knew he was in trouble for not listening to me, so he cried before I even did anything or even reached him. By the time I reached him, he cried louder. I grabbed his hand and brought him to his room.

He sat down on his bed (we had a queen sized bed laying on the floor), still crying. I was sitting near the door and I told him ‘you need to calm down, Caleb’, but he didn’t calm down, he was crying even louder and confused why I didn’t come and hug him or carry him or help him calm down. So he tried to reach me to hug me, he even went behind me and hugged me from behind, I swear my heart melted but I had to remain firm. He needed to learn his lesson and learn to be able calm down by himself.

I told him again ‘I’m not leaving you, Caleb. But you need to calm down’ (in a loving tone)

He went to sit on the bed again, still crying.

I told him again ‘When you calm down, I will hug you and we can go out again’

He stopped crying.

And the moment he stopped crying, I praised him “good! See you calm down and stop crying”. The instance I said “good! See you calm down”, he looked a bit surprised and then he smiled, hugged me and I hugged him too, to let him know that he is forgiven and mommy loves him J

I took it that he was surprised that calming down is something good to do that deserves praise. I really hoped he understood.

After the hug, I asked him”do you want to say sorry to mommy”, and so he said sorry and we both went out the room.