know your kid well

In baby whisperer book by Tracy Hogg, she explained that every baby has different character: angel, textbook, spirited, touchy and grumpy.

Caleb is both a textbook, for he always goes by what the books says (milestone on time, dropping nap at the appropriate age as stated in the book, and so on), and also a spirited baby, for he is a very active baby. He only becomes grumpy, easily irritated and gets upset if something is wrong, like when he is not feeling well or when he’s teething. Other than that he is a very sweet, loving, funny toddler. Just fun to be with.

Last week Caleb was down with stomach flu and of course he was a little cranky that time, we understood. But funny thing is after he recovered, for the next 3 days, he was even crankier than when he was sick. He got upset and cried easily. He was just so sensitive. He responded every ‘no’ and ‘mommy not near him’ by crying out loud.

It was weird because he was not sick anymore. A negative thought crossed my mind: the terrible two had started?? But quickly removed it from my mind and convinced myself that there must be something wrong, for I know my son well. He couldn’t just change character in overnight. This was not him, not his old self.

After three days and I suspected he was teething but couldn’t be so sure if he really was, I’ve just had enough with his overly sensitive behaviour. I prayed for him, lay my hand on him and bless him with the spirit of Joy, and rebuke all discomfort that stole his joy away. And after I prayed for him, he went down to playground, and praise God when he retuned home, I just knew that he was back to his old self. Yes, that instantly. By prayer that changes everything. Powerful right?

I was so relieved to see him being the son that I know. I brought him again later on to the park for a walk before bedtime, we met a couple on the lift. Caleb said hi and waved hand to them and smiled. I heard the guy commented how cute and adorable my son was as Caleb and I walked out from the lift. ^_^

Know your kid’s true character so you can tell if he’s just being himself or something is wrong. That way it saves you from assuming the wrong concerns.

DISCIPLINING OUR TODDLERS

I have been reading some information regarding this and I have been thinking about how I would discipline my own kid, and I thought it would be good to share what have come to my knowledge and my experience. But please, I am no expert, I just want to share with you. Please also log on to other resourceful websites like www.babycenter.com or www.supernanny.co.uk . I find it useful.

These are the information that I gather from my research:

The meaning of discipline:

It is a form of teaching our kids, not punishment

The principle:

1. Consistency: Whatever method you’re using, be consistent to use it everytime your kid needs to be disciplined

2. No lecture, a firm “no” and a quick explanation like “that’s dangerous” or “that’s not yours”. Sometimes a toddler needs to hear this “no” a hundred times before he gets the message. I witnessed it myself. After many times saying ‘NO’ to Caleb for the same thing he did, and he did it again the next day and the next day and so on, he finally understood and stopped. Nowadays he would point to our Christmas ornament in the tree and said ‘No’ (he used to want to touch or hit or drop the ornament)
3. No hitting/spanks/slaps

The books and websites I read saying that this only make the kids feel threatened and not learning anything other than being afraid of you. One mommy told me she regretted spanking her kid, coz later on her kid learned to spank and throw anything if he gets upset.

I honestly have not decided yet whether I would use this. My own pastor use cane to discipline his kids. But hitting is advised not to use our hand (physical contact), but use a stick/cane. It is because if you use physical contact, your kid will be afraid of you, but if you use cane he will be afraid of the thing and not you. And never do it out of anger (emotionally). The cane should not be too hard on them but not too soft, but just enough to let them know that his behaviour is unacceptable. Again, I have not decided yet since this is still not necessary for Caleb.

The methods:

1. Face the wall

Send the kid to face the wall for a period of time (2-3 minutes) when he gets out of control, or doing something unacceptable. I did it a few times. But actually it didn’t really work because caleb still didn’t understand why he was asked to face the wall and so he refused to stay facing the wall unless I hold his body still, by then his cries would be even lauder because he was confused.

2. Naughty corner

Send him to a corner/chair specially created when he misbehaved for a period of time (2-3 minutes). I Never did this because:

# I don’t think Caleb can sit still or stay there for the time given

# I don’t like the name “naughty corner”, it is as if I label my own son as naughty. Because I don’t believe he is naughty, he just sometimes make mistakes, but he is NOT naughty. And I also do not want him to think he is a naughty kid as well.

3. Time Out

Usually children understand this concept when they reach 3 years old. The concept of time out is to give some time for the kid to be able to calm down after a tantrum or anger. Again, it is not to punish.

I recently just used this method and it worked. But instead of sending him alone to his room, I went in with him and stay with him until he calmed down.

What I would do to discipline my kid:

For a first time misbehaved action, I would give him a warning by saying “no” and give him a reason ‘That’s not a toy’ or something. If he continued what he was doing, I would get down to his eye level, squeeze his hand but not hurting him, just enough to get his attention to me and then I will say say ‘no’ again and distract him. By the 3^rd time, I would proceed to the method (which last time I did it with ‘face the wall’.

For a repeated misbehaviour, I would directly make an action instead of saying no again. For example, he draw on our furniture instead on his paper although he had been told not to for a several times, I would take his crayons and keep it for a few days (but not too long that he forgets about it).

My experience using a time-out:

Last two weeks, Caleb was playing near our Christmas tree and suddenly he took an umbrella and I just knew he what he was going to do, so I told him “no, you cannot hit the tree”. But he didn’t listen. He hit the tree. I gave him another firm ‘No’ and he did it again and this time 2 ornaments dropped from the Christmas tree. I walked towards him and he just knew he was in trouble for not listening to me, so he cried before I even did anything or even reached him. By the time I reached him, he cried louder. I grabbed his hand and brought him to his room.

He sat down on his bed (we had a queen sized bed laying on the floor), still crying. I was sitting near the door and I told him ‘you need to calm down, Caleb’, but he didn’t calm down, he was crying even louder and confused why I didn’t come and hug him or carry him or help him calm down. So he tried to reach me to hug me, he even went behind me and hugged me from behind, I swear my heart melted but I had to remain firm. He needed to learn his lesson and learn to be able calm down by himself.

I told him again ‘I’m not leaving you, Caleb. But you need to calm down’ (in a loving tone)

He went to sit on the bed again, still crying.

I told him again ‘When you calm down, I will hug you and we can go out again’

He stopped crying.

And the moment he stopped crying, I praised him “good! See you calm down and stop crying”. The instance I said “good! See you calm down”, he looked a bit surprised and then he smiled, hugged me and I hugged him too, to let him know that he is forgiven and mommy loves him J

I took it that he was surprised that calming down is something good to do that deserves praise. I really hoped he understood.

After the hug, I asked him”do you want to say sorry to mommy”, and so he said sorry and we both went out the room.

Jesus name

And once the fever subsided, we had a good closure.

I make Caleb join me to say:

Mommy: fever, you don’t come back to me in the name of ….

Caleb: (shouting) JESUSSSS!!!!

:D

(proud of him that he’s familiar with Jesus name. Although he still doesn’t understand who Jesus is but I am glad that he knows Jesus since he is young. He hears Jesus name mentioned everyday!)

kisses after fever

Poor boy..he is having stomach flu since last Tuesday. Thank God the fever subsided on day 3. Relieved to see him being his old self, smiling, playing, and…kissing mommy!Yes.. he just showered me with lots of kisses without me asking him. It was as if he said “thanks mommy for taking care of me” :)

#sweet moment#

Teach your kids to clean up

I told you I like reading books about raising my kiddo, although it’s hard to find the time nowadays, but I still have a weekly update from baby center and I am glad I keep getting information that educates me.

One of the useful information that I have read, either from a book or from a website, I barely remember the source, but it said that when it comes to cleaning your baby toys, don’t do it when your baby sleeps, although it is easier to do that. You may think that there is no point of cleaning up when your baby is awake because then he will re-create the mess again. But when you clean the toys in front of your baby, you are teaching him and showing him a good example. He may not get it now, but later you will see the benefit.

Since Caleb was born, I always do the cleaning myself…cleaning the house (floor,window,furniture,kitchen,bathrooms) and Caleb often saw me doing that.And do you know what’s the first thing he wanted to do when he was able to walk by himself?He wanted my broom and help me sweep the floor and mop the table!

Once I was toilet training him, and he peed on the floor. He quickly grabbed a cloth to mop his pee on the floor. Well, of course I did not allow him to do it but I was very proud of his initiative to help.

About cleaning his toys, I always do it everytime he gets bored and stopped playing with one toy, I will tell him “let’s clean and tidy up before we leave the room”. There were lots of times he just ignored me and crawled outside the room, but I continue what I was doing. And then one day I decided to really make him a part of the cleaning job by leaving 1 item for him to put back on the his toy box, and I still do that til now whenever he doesn’t feel like cleaning up, at least he put one item back in its place.And so these days I am relieved that I begin to see some benefits actually show up.He now does the cleaning of his bath toy after shower on his own, without being told!

And what makes me proud even more…

Yesterday we were at the doctor’s clinic and while we were waiting there, I grabbed 2 car toys for Caleb to play. And when he had done playing with them, he put them back to where I took those toys!! I am so amazed and proud of him! J

It was a pleasure to have the knowledge I have, been applied and gain its benefit!

Cute talks

Kids never lie. true story. Be careful.
Mommy: Caleb, what are you eating? (it's almost dinner time and he cant have snacks!)
Caleb: krupuk
Mommy: daddy, did u give him krupuk?
Daddy: no answer (either didn't hear me or he simply didn't want to answer OR pretend he didn't hear me!!!! @_@)
Mommy: Caleb who gave you krupuk?
Caleb: DADDY!!!

aha!
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kids are simply pure and naive.

Mommy: Caleb, why are you wearing the same pyjamas for 3 days?
Caleb: Daddy (with finger pointing at his daddy, meaning "it's daddy who make me wear this mommy!)

Lol

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One evening, we just came back from our family outing and once we reached home, Caleb was directly walking to his fave red chair and sit on it, then he was doing this 'pat-pat' to his legs.
Mommy: what are you doing?
Caleb: tired!

I am so amazed that he understood well what tired means. and how he pat his legs as in doing a massage!
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We just set up our christmas tree at night after Caleb slept. And did a little decor in the house. Put some ornaments on everyone's door.
In the morning when Caleb woke up, he noticed there was something different in the living room. He ran to the tree and saw the light and said "woww...NICE!!"
and he noticed that every door has a decoration on it and he comment on every door the same thing "woww...nice!"
:D

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Yesterday he purposely played with our christmas tree ornament till it fell down. Luckily it didn't break. He knew he just did something he was not allowed, so he took the ornament and hid it behind his back...then he told everyone "no no no" while still holding that ornament behind him.
HAHA...Of course we knew he was hiding something! Really couldn't scold him after that.

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One day we had my pyjamas and my hubby's clothes folded and a hanger lying on the bed.
Caleb went in and saw..so he took my clothes and indicating that it was "mommy", and my hubby's clothes as "daddy" and when he came to the hanger, he said "ibu!" and went to the kitchen to pass the hanger to my maid.
he knew exactly which thing belongs to who!
ok..i tell u one secret...he sometimes open our laundry basket and sort out which one is mommy's and daddy's underwear!! OMG... where did he learn to differentiate that?!!
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readers,

which one is your fave story among all that is above? :)

The nicest milestone

I remember when caleb was a baby, I always excitedly wait for the next milestone. For him to get his head strong enough to do tummy time, for him to sit on hiw own, for him to crawl, cruise and so on.

But friends, I have come to my 19th month of having Caleb..I tell you...
the most joyful and fun milestone to us are:
1. When Caleb took his first step.
Babies have different milestones. Some can crawl first than the others, some can cruise first and so on... but if he walks earlier, he becomes independent earlier than others.
I am grateful Caleb's first steps was quite early: 12th month. And so he mastered walking and running earlier than most others. So saving my energy..I don't need to carry him everywhere on a longer period, considering that he'd get heavier.

2. When Caleb starts to talk!!!
this is amazing! when he starts to understand whatever you say and start communicating with u..life's just easier and more fun. It's so funny to hear his replies to your questions :D

I love these 2 milestones and grateful that Caleb masters this earlier. :)

I love kids!

Most of my office building floors are actually occupied by childcare. I actually never come to talk to one of the kids there although they visit my floor everyday. I assume they have some activity on the 6th floor and then they go down to my floor (5th) to take the lift down back to their classes (there is no lift on the 6th floor).

This morning I was standing in front of the glass door because my room's air con was being serviced, so I wait outside...then those kids ran down to my floor and to their surprise there was someone behind this glass door, which is me!
I know they always knock on this door..but noone attend to them because I will always be inside my room. Anyway, they do is for fun only..so I dont think it's necessary to open the door and let them in.
But since today I was there, I open the door..and they were surprised..but a happy surprised because instead of got scared to see a starnger, they smiled and said Hi...and one by one eagerly wanted to ask me question and wanted to know who I am.
They were so sweet and funny and cute.
I'm glad they were not scared or shy..that means I must have the face that children like, right? hahaha..

To think of that short moment with them...I know I love kids. I love them and I'm glad I have one to my own. I never regret having Caleb alhtough I do face many challenges in raising him. I was a full time stay at home mother...well, it was tough i tell u...
and I am just glad that I WANTED to have Caleb. He is not an accident. He is someone that I want despite people telling me.."dont rush..u just got married, enjoy" or "wait til u are financially stable". Maybe they are right, I should wait. But u know what...even IF they are right, I DID NOT regret to want to get pregnant and now having Caleb.

I love you my lil boy.
remember this... you are wanted. I always believe that it is important for every child to realize that his parents want him and love him. He needs to know. and I will always make sure he knows.

my child's angel

Sometimes, er..no, alot of times when I leave Caleb at home, I do feel worried. Not because I don't trust my maid. But I know that being a toddler, he is prone to accidents - name it: falling down and hurt his lip badly, bang his head, etc..many can happen..and the thought of it is scary enough.
No moms while outside/at work or come home wish to receive bad news.

I realize that even I as his own mom is not perfect. He sometimes still falls down under my supervision. I learn not to blame myself for being lack of attention in watching over my son. I realize too that not all bad things happen because of other people's mistakes...not our hubby nor maid. hey, we are having an active toddler here...

But I'm glad there is one thing I can do and all parents are advised to do, which is: to always pray for your children. Lay your hands on them and bless them in the mighty name of Jesus.

This morning I found this verse:

“Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven." matt 18:10

Their angels.
Yes. My son has his own angel guarding him. That is how precious my son is to God that He sent His angel to watch over my son and this angel never leaves him, NEVER!
and so I know my son is in good Hands. :)

Dear hubby,

Dear hubby,

Honey...today I miss you so much!

and I know you always read my blog.

I just want to say that I love you :)
and I never regret to give my life to you when I said "I do" on our holy matrimony.

We will go through all the joy and storms together...we'll pull it through!

and on this ordinary day(not our birthdays, not anniversary..just one ordinary day)..I would like to say:
"love youuuu alwaysssss"
muachhh^^


wifeyyy

Independent Playtime

Training our babies to have independent playtime is a MUST, and we do it since they are very young, meaning since newborn, starting as short as 3 mins and then prolong the time as they grow up.

Why is it important?
1. to teach the baby to be independent and not dependent on us all the time
2. to give us some time alone to do what we need to do, this is esp important for stay at home moms!

How we do it?
Always leave your baby in a safe place, like a playpen or his cot.
I left Caleb to play alone on his play mat when he still couldn't move alot and then moved him to his fisher price bouncer seat with seat belt, and when he started cruising, I let him play on his cot.

To be honest, I still feel that I hadn't done it well..or as good as I have expected...especially during teething period and separation anxiety period (10-18m), Caleb was so dependent on me and insisting his mommy to be on his sight.

But as he grows up, now 19 months old, I see him having his independent playtime more often and longer than usual. He can just play alone in his room or in the living room. and when he does a good independent playtime, I know I shouldn't disturb him. He has his privacy to be respected. and I'm proud of him.

I know a 4 year old boy who still demands to be accompanied everytime he plays.
Hmm I surely don't want that. There should be family time where we all hang out together, mommy and son time, daddy and son bonding time and also independent time. they all have to balance.

Ever since Caleb was a baby, everytime I go back to Indo, people often surprised on how I raise my son, that I sometimes left him to play alone on the floor...
First, in my country...most people don't allow babies on the floor until they are 7 months old. so all the time babies would spend their playtime on someone's arms or bed.
(fyi, the benefit of letting your babies to be on floor is that they learn to roll over, sit, cruise, crawl and walk faster! caleb walked when he was 12m old while most boys in Indo walk at 14-15m)
Secondly, people are soooo afraid that their babies will get hurt, fall down and so on... they are afraid of hearing cries...once the baby cries, they pick up and carry him...
well, do u know that teaching babies to control emotions, soothe himself, learn to be careful after a fall or a bump is a skill that they have to develop? and it is our job to teach them. But we can't never teach them if we are too cautious and all the time carrying them and make all efforts to not let them cry or feel frustrated whenever they can't stack their blocks toy.
Moreover, our babies will someday have to deal with life: disappointment, anger, frustration, broken heart, pain....they need to deal with it...again, it is our job to teach them the skill.

Today, I was in the bathroom and my maid was in the kitchen, Caleb was in the living room playing alone...and my friend who just in time arrived in my house was surprised enough to see Caleb ALONE in living room. She asked "why is Caleb alone here", as if something was not right and not supposed to be this way. ehem... I believe she got the idea from our country's culture where she and I were raised that way too :)

and when she thought it was something not right...I thought to myself "so what's wrong with that?" :)