Spanking

I know Caleb will sooner or later need spanking, or we Asians call it “caning”. It’s just that I am not sure how to do it and when. And then I’ve come to this book called “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” written by Tedd Tripp and read about the spanking topic that he has written there. I would love to share this information with you and to give my opinion as well.

Here’s the 3 important things that I have noted:

When to do it?

 It is when you have given a direction to your child, he has heard you, and has the capability to understand your direction but refuse to obey without excuse or delay, he needs spanking.

How to do it?

First, he needs a private place. Because it is important not to humiliate the child by doing it in front of other people. We need to respect his privacy as well. (oh yes, kids understand what shame is. Even Caleb now who is 23 months old has developed shyness around strangers now and I’m sure by the time he needs spanking, he is at the age where he knows what shame is.) And then you need to explain what he has done wrong and get him to acknowledge that he has done wrong and then tell him that is why he needs to be spanked.

Remind him that you spank not because you are angry but because you want to restore him to the right place where blessings from God comes to those who obey.

Tell him how many spankings he will receive (this is important for u too so that you won't lose control of yourself)

After spanking is done, hug him and tell him that you love him and it makes you sad that you need to spank and hopes you won't need to do it again. And then pray with him.

I know..I know..it's not easy, right? Even when I was reading it, I thought to myself "wow...can I do that?"

Why we need to do it

It is simply because it is God's command. Because the blessing and long life comes from obeying parents. By spanking, we restore our child from dishonoring God to blessings.

Tripp also explained that spanking cannot be replaced by time out. At this point, I have to say that I disagree with him. I think we need to see what kind of disobedience that the child has done. I haven't done spanking/caning Caleb so far. I am giving him time-out for disobedience. To me, spanking will take place only if the child does something that dishonor (show no respect) to parents. It is more to moral behaviour to me. What do you think?

Croup

Last week Caleb got a very unusual flu. It started with coughing and blocked nose. It was bad enough because he almost couldn't breathe at all through his nose and causing him not sleeping well at night. Poor mommy too, yes of course...whenever babies don't sleep well, it means panda eyes too for mommies.
Why do I say it was unusual? well, not only it was bad enough (I say bad enough whenever the flu makes a blocked nose n makes my prince couldnt sleep well. He got flu before but not always with blocked nose), but because on day 3 the cough got worse at night. The cough was dry, loud and scary! Happened a couple of times only and then the cough sound went back to normal sound of cough. I knew it was croup. I read about it before and I was pretty sure it was not usual cough. So I grabbed my blackberry and google about it (at 2AM!!), and found out that Caleb had all the symptoms but it also said that croup was a mild case and can be treated at home. But despite having read the information, I still decided to bring him to see his doctor and she prescribed an antibiotics for his sore throat and a medicine for his voice box.

Ok now I am going to share with you what is croup.

Croup is when your kid coughs with a barking sound. It was dry and loud. and pretty sure it is scary for both parents and the child. It is caused by some kind of flu virus that attacks the voice box and trachea. Mostly attacks children between 6 months - 3 years old. Most croup case is mild and can be treated at home.
the symptoms start with runny nose, cough or fever (Caleb didn't have any fever) and the barking cough peaks on day 2 or 3. We can hear the high pitched or squeaking noise when the child breathes. It gets worse at night and when the child is crying.
It is contagious. But if anyone is in contact with croupy kid will not get croup, but only the cold symptoms.

I hope this information helps :)

tantrum = bad kid?

Before I got married or pregnant, whenever I saw a kid at the mall throwing tantrum, I always thought to myself "what a naughty kid" or "poor mom".
Yes, it appeared to me that the mother had a very stong willed kid that would get really mad if he didn't get what he wanted.
Now that I'm a mom and has a kid who had tantrum, and also because I read about it, I know that tantrum happens. Not because my son is bad. Even an angel baby could have tantrums. They happen when your child is tired, hungry or not feeling well. So make sure he has enough rest and well fed.

The First Official Tantrum

Okay, I may have mentioned Caleb had tantrums but after today I have to ammend what I wrote. The previous tantrums were really nothing compared to what I had just witnessed today. You can say the previous ones were mini tantrums. Those tantrums happened because he did something he's not allowed to do and he cried because I told him not to.

Today's story began with yesterday when I showed him a trailer of an educational dvd from youtube. He liked it when there was a moon showing at the end of the trailer and he only wanted to see that part n requested that I repeat it over and over again. He was quite upset and grumpy when I decided to have enough of that yesterday.
And today after we just reached home from church, he unfortunately remembered that youtube trailer and asked about the "moon video" so I played for him. Sad thing the same thing happened all over again and even worse because he was really angry when I said I didn't want to repeat playing it. He was very angry and threw tantrum. The biggest one so far, yes, at 23rd month I finally witnessed it! I can understand why this is not the same like the previous ones. The previous ones were because he was not allowed to do something he KNEW it was wrong to do, this ONE is because he wanted something so BADLY and didn't understand why he couldn't get it (why mommy refused to replay for him) and that's why he was angry.
I knew it was going to be a tantrum so I brought him to his room and close the door to have a time out to cool him down. What I did not expect was this led to a bigger tantrum than in the past.

He was stomping his foot, kicking and fell down sitting on the floor. He was SCREAMING in anger.
my hubby was in the room with me and I asked him not to give him any attention he wanted.
Caleb was even angrier when he wanted me to carry him but I refused. He hugged me and because he saw that I didn't do anything he was stomping and kicking again and so I put him on the bed again. I kept telling him "we can get out and watch Hi5 after you stop crying". I told him too " i know you're angry but you cannot keep watching that when I tell you to stop. it was enough". He stopped and stared at me when he heard me say "i know you're angry" as if he understood that I acknowledged his feeling, but oh well, he was still angry and then continued his screaming and stomping.

To be honest, as a first time mom and my first time experience to witness my son having his first real tantrum, I was quite shocked but thank God I remain calm and in control (this is important! don't let your kid read that you are panic and not in self control, his tantrum could get worse). But I admit I gave in and hugged him and then carried him. He stopped crying immediately and I told him "that is good that you stop crying now. Remember you cannot ask mommy to replay over and over again when mommy say enough, okay? now let's go out and watch hi5"

you know what....we went out of the room, and he was a happy content kid watching hi5, like nothing ever happened before!!! he was even smiling to me!! Goddd....what did just happen??? LOL
but I guess that was tantrum. it's done when it's done. and that what's time out for, to cool him down, to wait til he's done throwing tantrum.

I thank God my first experience having my son's tantrum was in my house and not while we're out! I might get more panic if I was outside. To be honest, it was quite traumatic. I hope it wont happen again.
Here is my observation why this tantrum happened. and I admit it was my lack of wisdom.

First, I should have learned from yesterday that this could end the same. I shouldn't let him watch that again

Second, he was hungry and tired at that time. This was the main cause that triggered the tantrum. We were out since morning til 5pm and I didnt give him his milk before he napped because I thought he had lunch and then ate some french fries before he went down to sleep. But my fault was I didn't pay attention at how much he ate before he napped. We shared the french fries. My hubby and I probably ate more than him. Sigh...

But tantrums happen. at least once in your child's life, it is unavoidable. I just pray it wont happen too often and than when it happens, I am more prepared and have more control n be calm enough.