Deciding to be a FTWM (full time working mother) or SAHM (stay at home mother) can be hard because you don't know what's going to happen if you choose this or that. It does take some risks. Thanks to one of my oldest friend (Merilyn) who is now pregnant and might have this consideration on her mind right now..It has inspired me to write about this topic.
My view may not be perfect solution or the best guideline but I post this with no other purposes but to help you out.
so here it goes...
You may consider to be a FTWM (full time working mom):
1. If you know for sure you are a career woman type. You just love to work, reach your target, being in a competitive environment, you love the feeling of your adrenalines at work. Well, some woman, like my mom for example, their calling is to be on a career track and they just do well on their jobs. Don't feel guilty for being a great career woman, even if you suck being a housewife. and don't be afraid that your child will bond more to your maids rathen than with you. a child will know who is her/his parents. I am a living example. My mom never on the 'hands on' taking care of me when I was a baby. My baby sitter did her job. But I grew up closer to my mom than my baby sitter (my bb sitter is still with us til now..tho she doesn't bb sit anymore, she is the chef in my house now). To me..it's just a matter of how you manage your time to spend some quality bonding time with your child when you're not at work.
2. If you are worried about your family financial situation if you quit your job, then it's probably best to stay at work.
Here are some suggestion (re: your baby care) if you decide to be FTWM:
1. Hire a helper/maid
2. Hire a nanny (in singapore you can also hire a nanny but of course it's expensive)
3. You may put your child in childcare
(you may need to request for a tour of the childcare before you decide to choose. Make sure the care taker there really cares for your child. Ask how many babies one person is allowed to handle. the smaller group, the better. Also, check on its hygine too. Usually a good childcare will maintain cleanliness and check on every child, making sure none of them are sick before they go to class..this to prevent you child to fall sick often. Because babies immune are not strong built yet. Oh lastly, choose the one that is nearby your home or your work place so that it saves your travelling time and cost)
4. If your parents or relatives stay in the same country/city and willing to take care of your child...why not?
You may consider to be SAHM (stay at home mothers):
1. If you know for sure you will love your job as a housewife.
2. You just can't trust or can't find a good maid/nanny, no parents or relative stay nearby.
3. You want to bond more with your child
4. Your family will survive with single income comes from your husband.
5. You want to eliminate maid/nanny/childcare cost
Some other tips:
If you are now pregnant and working and still couldn't decide whether to quit your job after your labour. Don't rush your decision. You have your 3 months maternity leave. During these 3 months you can see and observe yourself whether you'll be good at taking care of your baby and stay at home. Some mothers just can't wait to go back to work.
If you love being SAHM but worry about financial issues, you may consider:
1. rent one of the rooms in your house so you can get extra income without leaving your baby.
2. start online business
3. freelance job
If you love working but you don't want to leave you baby too long, you may consider a part time job (half day), but then you have to find a way who is going to take care of your baby while you work. Childcare has half day programs, if you are interested.
If you really plan to hire a maid, my suggestion is to hire one before your baby reach 7m or max is 10m, that is before the separation anxiety kicks in (baby refuse strangers). The older your baby is, the harder it will be for him/her to adjust to new person in your house.
My view towards both FTWM and SAHM:
I believe both have their own challenges. FTWM struggles to find time for their baby while SAHM deal with isolation, losing their 'me' time and so on.
I have spent almost 1.5 year being a full time SAHM. I tell you more about it since I've been there. You will feel like you are so isolated because you spend too many time just you and baby. You feel like you can't do the things you used to do. Routine is your life. From waking up til you to bed, it's the same. There are alot of sacrifices you make. this is why a career woman will find it difficult to be SAHM. One working mother who spent a week being SAHM because her maid went back to indo confessed in the forum that she couldn't do this and really can't wait to go back to work.
But I tell you..despite those scarifices, it's worth it because you will find joy to be the first person (Always) to witness your baby's milestones. When he first roll over, eat, crawl, stand up and walk etc. And it is your privilege that your baby thinks that you are his only world!!! he will love you and want you so much..all the time!! haha...
I suggest if you SAHM, involve yourself in a motherhood forum, find some mommies whose babies at the same age as your baby and arrange some playdates. It feels good knowing you are not alone and that some mothers feel what you feel.
I have now come back to the work place. Although I take part time job, but I feel this is the best for me. I honestly tell you I love working! but I really want to have enough time with Caleb. I love to be able to teach him many things and see how fast he improves everyday. It makes me proud being a good mother. For now this is the best solution for me...part time job, hiring a maid I can trust, and still be on track on the motherhood thingy.
I hope you make the right decision :)
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