Partnership

You may have read many parenting books. You may have known many methods by now. You may want to put it into practice. You want to make the theory alive.
Oh well, whatever your method you choose - be it how to develop a routine, to discipline your child during meal time and so on, you need your PARTNER to first agree on the method so that you both can go in the same pathway. Partner means your husband and whoever else involved in taking care your kid. You need all the support you can get! You insist not to give snacks before dinner, but your partner went home with some crackers and happily fed your kid with it. I'm sure that will destroy all your efforts and frustrate you even more. So sit down and discuss your concern and what solution you have found and ask support from your partner so that he or she will be going the same path as you.

To change the kid's bad habit needs preserverence and support from your partner. There will be times when you feel like this doesn't work and you're about to give in, that's when your partner has to keep on encouraging you to keep on going.

know your kid well

In baby whisperer book by Tracy Hogg, she explained that every baby has different character: angel, textbook, spirited, touchy and grumpy.

Caleb is both a textbook, for he always goes by what the books says (milestone on time, dropping nap at the appropriate age as stated in the book, and so on), and also a spirited baby, for he is a very active baby. He only becomes grumpy, easily irritated and gets upset if something is wrong, like when he is not feeling well or when he’s teething. Other than that he is a very sweet, loving, funny toddler. Just fun to be with.

Last week Caleb was down with stomach flu and of course he was a little cranky that time, we understood. But funny thing is after he recovered, for the next 3 days, he was even crankier than when he was sick. He got upset and cried easily. He was just so sensitive. He responded every ‘no’ and ‘mommy not near him’ by crying out loud.

It was weird because he was not sick anymore. A negative thought crossed my mind: the terrible two had started?? But quickly removed it from my mind and convinced myself that there must be something wrong, for I know my son well. He couldn’t just change character in overnight. This was not him, not his old self.

After three days and I suspected he was teething but couldn’t be so sure if he really was, I’ve just had enough with his overly sensitive behaviour. I prayed for him, lay my hand on him and bless him with the spirit of Joy, and rebuke all discomfort that stole his joy away. And after I prayed for him, he went down to playground, and praise God when he retuned home, I just knew that he was back to his old self. Yes, that instantly. By prayer that changes everything. Powerful right?

I was so relieved to see him being the son that I know. I brought him again later on to the park for a walk before bedtime, we met a couple on the lift. Caleb said hi and waved hand to them and smiled. I heard the guy commented how cute and adorable my son was as Caleb and I walked out from the lift. ^_^

Know your kid’s true character so you can tell if he’s just being himself or something is wrong. That way it saves you from assuming the wrong concerns.

Teach your kids to clean up

I told you I like reading books about raising my kiddo, although it’s hard to find the time nowadays, but I still have a weekly update from baby center and I am glad I keep getting information that educates me.

One of the useful information that I have read, either from a book or from a website, I barely remember the source, but it said that when it comes to cleaning your baby toys, don’t do it when your baby sleeps, although it is easier to do that. You may think that there is no point of cleaning up when your baby is awake because then he will re-create the mess again. But when you clean the toys in front of your baby, you are teaching him and showing him a good example. He may not get it now, but later you will see the benefit.

Since Caleb was born, I always do the cleaning myself…cleaning the house (floor,window,furniture,kitchen,bathrooms) and Caleb often saw me doing that.And do you know what’s the first thing he wanted to do when he was able to walk by himself?He wanted my broom and help me sweep the floor and mop the table!

Once I was toilet training him, and he peed on the floor. He quickly grabbed a cloth to mop his pee on the floor. Well, of course I did not allow him to do it but I was very proud of his initiative to help.

About cleaning his toys, I always do it everytime he gets bored and stopped playing with one toy, I will tell him “let’s clean and tidy up before we leave the room”. There were lots of times he just ignored me and crawled outside the room, but I continue what I was doing. And then one day I decided to really make him a part of the cleaning job by leaving 1 item for him to put back on the his toy box, and I still do that til now whenever he doesn’t feel like cleaning up, at least he put one item back in its place.And so these days I am relieved that I begin to see some benefits actually show up.He now does the cleaning of his bath toy after shower on his own, without being told!

And what makes me proud even more…

Yesterday we were at the doctor’s clinic and while we were waiting there, I grabbed 2 car toys for Caleb to play. And when he had done playing with them, he put them back to where I took those toys!! I am so amazed and proud of him! J

It was a pleasure to have the knowledge I have, been applied and gain its benefit!

Independent Playtime

Training our babies to have independent playtime is a MUST, and we do it since they are very young, meaning since newborn, starting as short as 3 mins and then prolong the time as they grow up.

Why is it important?
1. to teach the baby to be independent and not dependent on us all the time
2. to give us some time alone to do what we need to do, this is esp important for stay at home moms!

How we do it?
Always leave your baby in a safe place, like a playpen or his cot.
I left Caleb to play alone on his play mat when he still couldn't move alot and then moved him to his fisher price bouncer seat with seat belt, and when he started cruising, I let him play on his cot.

To be honest, I still feel that I hadn't done it well..or as good as I have expected...especially during teething period and separation anxiety period (10-18m), Caleb was so dependent on me and insisting his mommy to be on his sight.

But as he grows up, now 19 months old, I see him having his independent playtime more often and longer than usual. He can just play alone in his room or in the living room. and when he does a good independent playtime, I know I shouldn't disturb him. He has his privacy to be respected. and I'm proud of him.

I know a 4 year old boy who still demands to be accompanied everytime he plays.
Hmm I surely don't want that. There should be family time where we all hang out together, mommy and son time, daddy and son bonding time and also independent time. they all have to balance.

Ever since Caleb was a baby, everytime I go back to Indo, people often surprised on how I raise my son, that I sometimes left him to play alone on the floor...
First, in my country...most people don't allow babies on the floor until they are 7 months old. so all the time babies would spend their playtime on someone's arms or bed.
(fyi, the benefit of letting your babies to be on floor is that they learn to roll over, sit, cruise, crawl and walk faster! caleb walked when he was 12m old while most boys in Indo walk at 14-15m)
Secondly, people are soooo afraid that their babies will get hurt, fall down and so on... they are afraid of hearing cries...once the baby cries, they pick up and carry him...
well, do u know that teaching babies to control emotions, soothe himself, learn to be careful after a fall or a bump is a skill that they have to develop? and it is our job to teach them. But we can't never teach them if we are too cautious and all the time carrying them and make all efforts to not let them cry or feel frustrated whenever they can't stack their blocks toy.
Moreover, our babies will someday have to deal with life: disappointment, anger, frustration, broken heart, pain....they need to deal with it...again, it is our job to teach them the skill.

Today, I was in the bathroom and my maid was in the kitchen, Caleb was in the living room playing alone...and my friend who just in time arrived in my house was surprised enough to see Caleb ALONE in living room. She asked "why is Caleb alone here", as if something was not right and not supposed to be this way. ehem... I believe she got the idea from our country's culture where she and I were raised that way too :)

and when she thought it was something not right...I thought to myself "so what's wrong with that?" :)